


Ayurnamat

by stydiastydia



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, Season 5A
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stydiastydia/pseuds/stydiastydia
Summary: Ayurnamat: The philosophy that there is no point worrying about things that can't be changed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, my name is Bia and I love re-watching tw’s episodes with the confirmation that stiles loves Lydia :)   
> (Not that this is a surprise but damn that feels good.)

Nothing in Stiles’ life is constant in this moment, except for the color red. Red is the second thing he sees when he finds Lydia bleeding in the station, the first thing he notices is the way she is looking at him. He always notices her eyes first because he learned over the years that sometimes they show the opposite of what she’s saying. Over the years he got to know her enough that he’s able to read her. Her walls are up but there are times when he can see everything so clearly.

Red is also Donovan’s blood in his hand.

“Thanks for the ride.” She says, as they arrive in her driveway, giving him a shy smile as she begins to open the jeep’s door.

As he looks into her eyes, he knows that the “thank you” is not only for the ride but he does not know what he is supposed to say. He wants to ask her what’s on her mind but they are in the real world now, everything they say has a consequence. They could have said almost anything to each other thirty minutes ago, when they were at Eichen, and they would probably never talk about it again but they both would remember; that is what matters.

Sometimes Stiles and Lydia have those moments where it feels like it’s just the two of them in the world, moments like this he is allowed to touch her back as she leads the way fearless and she can touch his hand whenever she feels insecure. On moments like these, he is allowed to hold her, as their bodies move together because of the way they are breathing, too scared that someone will find them. It’s innocent and light despite the situation they were. It’s how he feels when he’s around her and he knows that this is wrong.

He was supposed to move on.

He tried to move one.

He wasn’t supposed to still love her with every inch of his soul.

But if they ever did something like this here, it would have a consequence.

They would have to talk about it eventually.

He dropped Scott and Kira at the McCall’s place first, even if made more sense to drive to Lydia’s house first since Scott lives only two streets away from his best friend. But this, somehow, makes more sense in his head because it’s how he used to drive while Allison was still alive. Lydia would always be the last on his jeep because they were always in the middle of some stupid argument like which ice cream flavor is the best and he loves the way she would bring facts and scientific studies to prove her opinion. He would laugh because her cheeks were almost red and because Lydia totally is the kind of person who reads about ice cream flavors from the scientific point of view.

(Once they tried to decide which creature definitely doesn’t exist outside fairytales and they had to drive around Beacon Hills one more time because Stiles kept insisting that mermaids are in fact real.)

He always wanted more time with Lydia, and she did not seem to mind. Sometimes she would start humming whatever song was playing in the radio, take off her shoes, and Stiles was sure she was enjoying it.

Then she would to look outside the window and smile, and Stiles was sure she liked this too. However, it has been a while since the last time she was on his Jeep and he knows that’s wrong but he misses it so much. It’s been a while since the last time they were alone for a non-supernatural thing related.

He still misses her so much.

He still loves her so much.

Today she did not take off her shoes or anything like that but her _eyes_.

Her eyes tell him everything.

But he still is afraid that he might misinterpreting something.

“S’ okay.”

She doesn’t leave the car, not yet. And he doesn’t know how but she definitely knows that something is wrong. Maybe it’s because she is too smart or because she knows him better than most people, despite what their relationship looks like right know.

“It must have been hard for you to come back there.” He says, afraid that she will take their silence as a sign to leave. Funny thing is, there is nothing in this world that he wants more than to drive with her by his side. The silence means “stay here as long as you want” but he is too scared and he does not want her to have the wrong impression.

“I must have been harder for you.” She says, almost as a quick come back.

“I’m fine.” This is so bullshit, his voice is soft and almost too low to hear. But she hears it cause the radio is off and there is no sound outside.

“Stiles.”

“I mean it.”

(He doesn’t.)

She opens the door and gets out of the Jeep. Not to be over dramatic and all but he’s pretty sure his heart aches.

“No, you’re not.” She says as she turns around the car and places her arm on the window’s driver. “But you know where I live. I’m here, always.”

He stays in her driveway until he sees the light on her room, he can leave, she’s safe, at least for now.

He can breathe, at least for now.

Stiles drives around Beacon Hills twice before he goes home, thinking about Donovan, thinking about how he’s gonna tell her about Donovan and all this messed up situation and how guilty he feels. His phone beeps as he enters his room. _New message from Lydia_. He looks at her contact picture first, a photo he took of her last year, when they planned a surprise birthday party for Scott, her hair braided, eyes focused on him, soft smile, bright red lipstick.

_From: Lydia Martin:_

_Ayurnamat is the philosophy that says there’s no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed._

He knows Scott will find out about this soon and he’s sure he’s going to lose his best friend.

So, he decides not to tell her, at least for now.

He can’t lose Lydia too.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading this! you can find me at lydiamarkin on tumblr if you want to see me crying about 6x01 tomorrow.


End file.
